Dissolution and Bondage

I have been hearing this song more than 20 times now.
Always find something new every time I hear.
Song from "Keralavarma Pazhassi Raja".

Chithra in her beautiful voice is blowing me off each time I hear it.
She is a perfectionist in terms of rendering songs.
There is not even a single off-note, single off-pitch in this song.

Lyrics by ONV (one of my favorite poets, happy that this great poet got Jnanapeeth this year) is superb! In the second stanza, the place where she comes to ask Lord Shiva to accompany her beloved, I am no more! just intoxication, dissolution..:-D

The raga that Ilaya Raja (he is a Periya Raja in terms of creating tunes) chose for this song is Abheri. It can expresses intense longing, happiness, and a sort of weakness or vulnerability (no words to describe:-) at the same time.

Beautiful bondage

Voice has been a passion; 

I might forget faces, but not voices.

I have no freedom from them.

I am happy with that bondage;

because you see, my Master has the most beautiful voice in this world!

~JoyGD

Song from “Story told by a Sufi”

Using her broken bangles a lady tries to draw a picture.

This creates a lot of mess:-D

Finally she transforms herself into fragrant fumes of camphor.

This song is so beautiful, has a good transition in between to a muslim song and comes back on track. 

The means and end of any art form is to dissolve your self.

Existence is a fact.

Meaning of these words struck me when I heard of Vasu Valliachchan (father's elder bro) being no more in this world. It took some time to really wrap my head around and figure out what happened. All memories of times spent with him flashed in mind and felt terribly at loss and lonely. Valliachchan was a sweet person, so much look alike of my father (only the mustache and the voice discerned them and as a kid I couldn't differentiate them). I wonder how my Achchan (father) could have possibly endured this news that his beloved brother and many ways his role model passed away. The "Swantham" that he used to write in inland letters sent to my Achchan meant much to me (and for him too). I guess the presence of Devadath, my nephew kid growing more and more vikruthi (beautifully mischievous) day-by-day, is keeping Achchan engaged. Guess if the innocence and spontaneity of a baby cannot make you happy, nothing in this world can.

I am just being with myself and not attending any functions for this week.
Feel incomplete not being able to do the last rites for Valliachchan.
Prostrations and Love.
OM NamahShivaya.

The Opiated Peacock.

When M (Mahendra Nath Gupta- the writer of "Gospel of SriRamakrishna") came and met his Master first time and saw his beaming and blissful samadhi state, he could not stop thinking about HIM till he returned next day at the same time.

SriRamakrishna then said this-

" if you give opium to peacock at a certain time of the day, it will get intoxicated and the next day at the same time it will be at your door steps to receive another dose of it"

Meeting Guruji for the second Gurupoornima, I figured that peacock in me was also opiated..

And I am enjoying it...

Will write about the course that I did, GP 2010 celebrations and experiences soon..
JoyGurudev!

Two-fold cost of males

Have been thinking about writing some science for some time.
Here is a question that we in one of our class here at KSU (Kansas State University) discussed which is almost at the interface of science and philosophy, so picking that.

One of the most interesting debates we had in our evolution class was about the "two fold cost of males". According to the theory of evolution a species evolves and advances its genetic heritage to next generation. Every species including human beings undergo struggle for existence and the most fit forms which has adaptations to succeed in a particular environment survives and reproduces extending its genetic heritage to its progenies. Every time in nature they get better adapted to the existing environmental conditions. If any species fail in this battle, they are not fit and eventually that particular species go extinct since there are no individuals who can advance their genetic heritage. Any heritable variation (genetic changes or mutation) will be carried to the next generation and conserved there. So basically the "fitness" of a population is to have as many progenies as it can produce and advance it's genetic heritage to next generation. Then what's the need of two sex forms (male and female) in a population? Isn't it enough that one form can reproduce and advance their progeny to next generation and thus the population survive? Such questions tend to get philosophical and sometimes even spiritual.

Now take the greatest debate between atheist and believers in the West. In USA, the State of Kansas has become so (in)famous for instituting "theory of intelligent design" in their schools. The theory of evolution by Darwin was the single most jolt to the evangelist since that completely disowns the Genesis chapter of Old Testament and the way in which it has described how GOD created various life forms. As per Darwin's theory of evolution, simplest atoms and molecules came together to form the primordial cell (after the Earth became suitable for making those) and as time advanced, they got more and more complex, sophisticated, multicellular forms. Every time they evolved new adaptations which allowed it to tide over unfavorable conditions and almost a million year ago, from a neanderthal, one Homo sapien (human being) also came into being. Against this evolution theory, evangelists proposed "intelligent design" which says GOD did all this design of various species in the most intelligent manner as you can see now. In the  State of Kansas, after a lot of opposition from scientists (especially Biologists who are 'real scientists') political parties and evangelists were able to institute intelligent design to schools so that kids learn that also.

Now coming back to the cost of males. Take the case of simple, single celled forms; they don't have two sex forms. Bacteria, viruses and many fungi are just only one kind and they advance their life like that reproducing by budding or fission and many other similar methods. The problem with a form which cannot give birth (males) is that it cannot reproduce by itself and it also tend to produce new unproductive forms of itself. So the resources had to be given for an unproductive member in a population and that also leads to the production of another unproductive member. This is the two fold cost of males in a population. As per theory of evolution, this is not economical. When there are limited resources, the species cannot succeed in fitness if there are members which cannot give rise to off-springs.

So scientifically speaking, why there are males in a population?

Ha ha it would be funny to imagine a population where there are only mothers, daughters and sisters in a population and there are no fathers, sons or brothers:-D.

One answer is to create variation. Suppose there are only females and they give rise to only females. Every time they give rise to new progeny which look alike. The presence of a complementary life forms creates more opportunity for variation in population. The importance of variation is that it will allow to succeed in a particular environment. For example, if there was an epidemic outbreak (like SARS), all identical forms will get susceptible and eventually wiped out due to the disease. If there is one member who is a variant which can resist the disease, he will survive and give rise to progenies that will also survive. So males are needed for diversity of a sexually dimorphic population.

PS: Have resorted little bit of dilution in some concepts to simplify the scientific theory.

uff thera ada!!!!

Can't believe it's been one year that I haven't met HIM!
So much longing and excitement is there now.
On last Gurupoornima how many intimate moments that filled this heart!
But feels like never enough!
How charming is HE!

And when we exchange roles, who is Krishna and who is Radha?.

So I have a song about that.
This song from movie Veer-Zara that was love at first hearing.
In fact in the actual music cd it starts with Gulzar's voice-
"Ek din savere savere jab suraj ne parbat ke thaki se sir jo udhaya, tho dekha" (don't want to translate:-)
Like that what will happen today!?
"Where this life is moving!!!!!!:-D
From where this voice I am hearing
Whose face I am seeing in each and every flower!!!"
:-D :-D;-D
Life is Beautiful!
Have only heard about binge drinking, what an intoxication!
Gurudev says that you need to express it sometimes, otherwise heart will burst:-D
JoyGurudev!

A good but foolish samaritan 2

This is the concluding part of this earlier post

Three weeks later when I had almost forgotten about Bereket and the accident, I got an email from him asking my apartment address and phone number. Also I got two or three emails in quick succession from him asking the same. Thinking that he might want to thank me or something I gave all my details. Then he called me to lab and told about about some difficult times he had to go through after the accident and also related to the statement that I gave to the insurance and police. He also told that he will be visiting me at my apartment so that he can see me in person.

His actual situation as explained by him;

That night the gentleman driver dropped him and everything was happy. Next day Bereket started having pain in his stomach and bleeding started through urine. He contacted the driver and told about this and requested to take him to hospital (because he didn't have car). The driver who told him to call for whatever help needed never responded to his request. He had to manage himself somehow to reach the same hospital and then also figure out that he has some internal injuries. He underwent treatment for two weeks and the amount went upto 10,000 dollars unimaginable for a student to pay. He didn't have full assitantship to cover his health insurance either. The little insurance money that he might have got was also disapproved by the company saying that my witness statement regarded it as Bereket's fault. In my statement I used the word 'he rushed" and that's it! I had to use that because how could he have possibly left my umbrella and reach the road earlier than me otherwise? Also the place he crossed was without any traffic lights and illegal to cross. The police station had already regarded him as a nuisance to public transport and denied him all sorts of assistance. This is because since I had a very good impression initially about the driver, I had told to the cops that he is very nice and it might not be the driver's fault also. (they asked me if the driver was inebriated, and I told absolutely not, he is a very good guy).

Bereket was still ailing and was resorting to some physiotherapy then. I told that it's impossible now to take my statement back and change it since it has been given. And we don't have any money to challenge them in court also. My financial status was also not very sound to help him in any manner. They have put his graduation and studies on hold till he pays back the money and release all those flags.

I was sad and the only relief was that he understood my good intention to help him when he fell on the road and accompanying till hospital. But then I foolishly gave away the statement to the insurance company without knowing the way of how things worked here. In this way I got to know that system here is complicated and usually protects those people who are rich and influential. People can put on a very good face so that you have a good impression and get their things done like that.

Now fastforward to 2007 May 13, the day of my graduation (yes, that day coincided to Guruji's B'day, much to my happiness!). I saw Bereket also walking with cap and gown graduating along with my own spring session graduation ceremony! He saw me and I told sorry for everything. He told that he knew my intention was not bad. He had changed his guide for Masters in between, got full assistantship and seemed happy too.

About this episode only one thing remained, dear Venki makes fun of me being the only one who was able to screw up the graduate life of a person. But, I have no regrets as of now..

PS: The good samaritan entry was given to me by my Oppol (elder sis) who is settled in California whom I update my week-life every Sunday.
Time for a song. Since samaritan story is what Jesus narrated to his disciples, song should be like that..A bro, in this movie, is not invited for his own sis' marriage and he finds a way to attend it by singing this choir in Church. Very touching for a bro like me:-D

A good but foolish samaritan 1

This is an incident happened four months after I first came to US to Purdue University for my Matsers, in 2004. I was still not accustomed to the lifestyle, studies and lab-work here then.

On a fine afternoon I set out to the credit union (Bank) and it started raining. I had to borrow umbrella from downstairs from my chinese lab mate. On the way out found a person walking without umbrella and told him to join in mine.

The chain of events this simple act of friendship triggered was something that I could have never anticipated.

This guy was from Eritrea by name Bereket. We got introduced and he started describing about his thesis work and in no time we reached the road. All of a sudden he got out of my umbrella and rushed to cross the road. And a car coming down from the second lane hit him!

I didn't exactly see what happened, but found Bereket falling into the divider lane.

Many cars were rushing down the other lane and some stopped. After couple of seconds I reached him and tried to hold him up. He was lying down and crying out saying that he is going to die. I didn't see any injury or blood and told him it will be okay. In no time ambulance and police arrived and they picked him up. People never came to look what happened (much unlike Indian situation when people would have thronged there). Some guys from inside the car called me and gave their phone number and told to call them if needed (I didn't know why they did that).

After the cops took him into the ambulance I asked cop whether I have to do anything else. He told me to come to hospital, and since I was new to the place, he took me in his police car to St. Elizabeth hospital, pretty far from campus. Cops were very friendly and I told them that in our country they use to scare us a lot (my acquaintance with police was not new, had earlier experience with Kerala Police back home with strikes and struggles while doing UG when I was actively involved in student politcs; will write about that later:-).

At the hospital, they considered me as the only friend of Bereket and told me to sign some papers for his treatment and checkup. Meanwhile Bereket was refusing to do some tests telling that he doesn't have any problem now and those check-ups will be expensive. So docs asked me to convince him that those were very much needed for a accident victim. I didn't know how to convince him, so went up to him and told what the docs wanted and requested him to do at least the minimum tests needed.

After he was taken for further tests, I came out and found the driver of the car who hit him. He was a real gentleman and told me he was coming after celebrating his wife's B'day along with the kids and was working in a company near Walmart grocery store. He came to the hospital to see how Bereket was doing. Instead of running away from the spot, he stopped and came to the hospital!.Earlier, the cops had told me that they can drop me back and warned me that going alone will not be good since that is a bad neighborhood. Since the tests for Bereket will take several hours to get done, this driver of the car (I don't remember his name) told he could drop me back to the campus and also promised me that he will take care of Berket once check ups are done. Though I was sad to witness an accident, I was happy to see such a good person who cared a lot.

Next day I called this gentleman and he informed that Bereket is safe at home and nothing to worry.

Couple of days later I got a call from Bereket's health insurance company telling me that I was the sole witness of the incident and asked me to recount in my own words. I had hard time explaining things in english and somehow I managed to do so. I thought I had given a very good description and will allow them to give him his claim. Being the witness, cops also called me and asked me to come to police station for the same reason. Since I had no idea where police station was located, I told I can come to the accident location. They came there and took my signature after I explained what I saw.

I didn't know that by my signing stuff and recounting incident in the way 'they' wanted it, I was screwing up the graduate life of this guy from a poor African country.

Will conclude this in next post..:-D

A victim who cried out for help

The person who resorted to violence in Ashram doesn’t know….

HE is that vast space that identifies with the consciousness that IS.

And it always IS.

IS indestructible as explained in this sloka;

“Nainam Chindanthi Sasthraani

Nainam Dahathi Paavakah

Na cha Enam KledayanthyAApo

Na Shoshayathi Maaruthah" (2^nd chapter, 23^rd sloka, Holi Geetha)

Not destroyed by weapons

Not burned by fire

Not moistened by water

Not withered by wind

This sloka reminds also of Swamiji Vivekananda’s MahaSamadhi incident. The night when Swamiji attained final Samadhi, Sashi (Swamiji Ramakrishnananda), His brother disciple, was at a different place. At exactly the time of His passing away, Sashi had a dream, in which Swamiji told,

“Ye Sasi look here, I have discarded my body. It was as simple as just spitting it out”

If at all, THEY want it to happen, it’s that easy.

Also, this path is not for timid people. Guruji has said earlier that spirituality is not for chicken, only lions stay!

So we can only be compassionate at the terrorist who is actually a victim who cried out for attention in the only manner that he knew to do it.

PS: A song.

A film song that exemplifies the Adwaitha (non-dual) principle in first stanza.

About the Guru and “Jeeva Kala” (in Malayalam Art Of Living is “Jeevana Kala”) and how devotees poured in, in the second stanza.

And about the seva in third.

Here is the song from film “Adwaitham”.

Singers-larger than life

Wanted to write about two legendary singers that made my childhood colorful and cheerful by their voice. Their voices are dearer to me more than mine.

Rafi Saheb

Mohammed Rafi is the greatest of play back singers ever produced by Hindi film industry. His honey dew voice has that magic that I used to believe even when he snores, that will come out as music! As early as a five year old kid, I remember listening to Rafi Saheb's recorded version of London program in our old tape recorder and I liked this song a lot. Even now I like that song with the same intensity as I used to. The song is from a film called 'Baiju Bawra'. 

Beautiful Baiju Bawra story-abridged

Baiju was one of the greatest singers of Mughal emperor Akbar’s time. In Akbar’s court was Mia Tanzen who was supposed to be the greatest musician of that time. It was a rule then that nobody should sing in the city other than Tanzen. If anybody want to sing, they have to first defeat Tanzen in music. Baiju’s father was caught singing one day and was killed by the sentries when they forcefully attempted to take him to court. Before dying he told Baiju to avenge for his death. Thus Baiju’s whole life had only one aim; to defeat Tanzen. But he falls in love with Gowri, a boatman’s daughter, and slowly starts forgetting his aim. Then Gowri came to know that he will be able to sing very well out of emotional ecstasy only and makes herself bitten by a snake and Baiju believe that she is dead.

Baiju now becomes a Bawra (mad person) and start singing the above song, with that much sadness that even Lord Shiva sheds tears (the filmi version of this song always makes me emotional, it’s here starring Bharath Bhushan).  Hearing Baiju sing in city, people try to stop him, but he doesn't hear. He is eventually taken to court and there he defeats Tanzen. The story ends tragically when Baiju tries to reach Gowri by crossing a river on spate; he gets drowned along with Gowri.

Coming back to Rafi Saheb:

Rafi saheb has sung approximately 25,000 songs and almost all of them were cherished by the industry and people. He had great clarity of voice, ranging from very lowest to highest pitches and gives great expression to words when he sings which made him unique among playback singers of that time.

Yesudas

Every Malayali (Keralite) would be proud of their dear Yesudas. Starting from 1960’s he had been singing and still continuing without much change in popularity. He started getting popular in his early days by singing Rafi songs. He has sung film songs, devotionals, carnatic music concerts and even folk songs. He also has amazing voice clarity, and great power of voice modulation and control. It would be tough to pick a song that I like since there are so many of them.

So picking this song which starts with Yesudas’ beautiful humming of which the third stanza enchants me always like this,

In search of my divine mother's shrine

Where million sunflowers bloom;

Along the way that I travel

Your words have spread flowers

I think of how my Guru’s words have been showing the path to me and millions like me to reach their favorite destiny. One such word is what I heard couple of days before;

“Muskurathe raho, eeshwar thumhare dil mein hai”. (Keep on smiling. God resides in your heart)

PS: Writing about singers, I am short of words and so deliberately digressed to write Baiju Bawra story:-D

Mein Therah (Ulta)

It's May 6th and completed 31 years in this body (ulta 13)!:-D

Feeling ignorant and insignificant I have requested my roommate not to celebrate at least this year.

One sloka comes to my mind that I chant everyday and which sums up much of myself.

"Mookam Karothi Vaachalam
Pangum Lankhayathe Girim
Yath Krupa Tham Aham Vande
PARAMAANANDA MAADHAVAM!!

Literally translated as,
He who transforms the dumb to a talkative (or a singer:-)
A lame to one who climbs mountains
To HIS compassion, I pray
Krishna who is the pinnacle of Joy!

That is bewildered me on May 6, 2006 when HE came to open San Antonio Ashram in Texas and called me to stage and crowned me with that flower cap which was adorning HIM a little earlier. Venki took the pic. HE even talked over phone to Venki's Amma who was recovering from an auto accident in India that time.

I would never have a better B'day:-D

In Love:-D

Rejoicing Without Conflict:-D

EnJoyGurudev!

PS: Today I miss my e-chats with beautiful sister Sharika who has gone to Ashram for becoming an AOL teacher. Fracois Gautier who wrote "The Guru of Joy" tells that being an AOL teacher is like moving with the badge of LOVE in one's heart. He also says that being a teacher is a greater privilege than the privilege of being a successful journalist interviewing 5 Indian Prime Ministers!!

All my prayers...

These days..

Have been going to childhood in my last couple of posts, now coming to the present...
After the preliminary exams life turned out to be event-full.
Weeks past just so fast and in between, Tulip festival, International talent show and Open house happened.
Don't have much words to describe them, but have pictures:-D

Tulip festival in Wamego
Every year in a near by town, Wamego, they celebrate Tulip festival.
It's a picnic that's mainly a dutch heritage where people come together at the outbreak of spring and see Tulips and enjoy; eat, sing and dance. Kids will be very excited since there will be so many goodies at display and much toys and exhibits.
Last year I went there expecting a sea of tulips like the one below. And was disappointed:-(

Tulips will bloom just in a small area and the festival is all to make merry seeing happy faces of many people. This year I knew what to expect and was also happy that I could see my prof playing his band. Thanks to Brian, a brilliant post doctoral researcher in our lab who took me there:-D

International talent show
I sung a song  for the international talent song. My juniors here were instrumental in pushing me to sing this time. Thanks for them since many people told they liked it:-D
Link here.

Open house
In University there is an exhibition in Spring which showcases the lighter side of higher education. Local people come and see each and every department and enjoy the scientific displays. We had a Biology booth where we took turn to explain stuff. I befriended "pizza". She was very friendly and kids also liked her a lot.
I took her in my hands and we were quite happy with each other.

A four wheeler in my yard
Another thing happened was that I bought a car.
If only I could drive a car! I bought one any way. Let me see if I would be able to ride it. During driving, if there is anything that has to be done suddenly, I might get in trouble. Hopefully I won't put people on the road in danger:-D. For a place that doesn't have any public transport like here, car is just a necessity, buying which I had been postponing thinking about my condition. Now after my prelims I had to fulfill my promise to Shanker that I will get one! Tonychettan, my senior, bargained with the dealer and ensured that I got a fair deal. Predeesh, my junior, has agreed to teach me driving also.

Alll izzzzzzz well!:-D

Krishna and Grandmother.

I guess nobody will write about my grandmother. Here is my humble prostration at her feet who taught me devotion as a young kid. She told us many many stories of Krishna and inculcated faith and devotion in us.

In our family, the deity worshipped is Bhagavathi, the mother goddess. And in our village the protector deity is RajaRajeshwara, Shiva. But my favorite hero deity became Krishna which on the most part is due to her.

She told about Krishna’s consummate life-

As a baby he was the cutest and the most mischievous one stealing the hearts of all Gopis.

As an adolescent, the strongest, taming Kuvalaya (elephant), defeating Chanura and Mushtika (great wrestlers) and killing Kansa (Krishna’s Uncle and the dreaded Asura (demon) King).

As a romantic hero he abducted princess Rukmini from her kingdom!

As a great scholar, the most noble and knowledgeable expounding Holy Gita to Arjuna.

As the shrewdest diplomat dealing with the war of Dharma (righteousness) at Kurukshethra.

Also when old, the most dispassionate, comforting Arjuna and Udhava before his final departure.

One common theme underlying all these roles is the irresistible charm he displayed enacting all of these roles.

I was introduced to Krishna by my angel Grandmother. She was a person who knew only to love; I haven’t heard her uttering any word against anyone. When she used to come home for weekends, it becomes a celebration for us. We spent most of our time with her; sleeping beside her bedside how many stories had been told and re-told. The whole of Ramayana, Mahabharatha, some from Bhagavatha and other Puranas (epics). She didn’t have any formal education, but had memorized all these stories and described them with great clarity and devotion.

She spent most part of her old age near Thrichambaram ShriKrishna temple. She once told that in this temple any celebration/procession will not involve elephants because the Krishna was installed in that Bhava (mood) after taming Kuvalaya. I have also heard from people that once when they tried to take one elephant there, it didn’t agree to cross the small stream adjacent to temple and ran away!

But her love was always taken for granted and I doubted that her opinions are not given due consideration and always brushed aside by her loved ones as something from an ignorant person. Towards her final days she was always lost in thought and became extremely happy whenever we told we are returning after praying in Krishna temple. I wonder all that she thought and saw those days was only Krishna and Gopis of Vrindavan.

She expressed only simple desires and the one which I really felt bitter for her sons is when she asked for a white rubber sandal and nobody paid any attention. Because she was not traveling outside her home, nobody heeded to that request. And couple of days later she passed away. More than for her separation I was very sad that none of her children could fulfill this simplest of her request.

I am sure at our family cremation ground near ancestral home where we all get cremated after death, her benign presence will always comfort us and none of us feel scared to go there in life or death.

Time for a beautiful song:-D

You can see the charming Krishna’s in this song. In this movie, “Nandanam”, the story takes a beautiful turn when Krishna appears. All songs in this movie (except one) are about him and one can see the enigma and mysticism in this song. How easily he cheers up this crestfallen gopika and how fast he steals her heart and how enigmatically he vanishes and appears at times. I was enchanted with the story of this movie, one of the best that I have seen in recent times. She could only wonder as to what’s really happening as Krishna seems so close one moment and, very far, the next moment!

Krishna comes to you in whichever form you want him to.

Guruji said that even the staunchest renunciates were charmed by Krishna’s beauty.

Which Gopika wouldn't want to dance with him!

Let all consciousness be filled with the beauty of Krishna’s love.

Hari OM!

JaiGurudev!

PS: This is about my paternal grandmother whom we all called Valliamma. 

Our Childhood Vishu

Vishu is the new year celebration very special to Kerala. For kids this is the best day of the year. All my memories of a vishu rushing in and I am going to re-live it now.:-D

Dawn of this day, in all households in my village, there will be Kani (something like an auspicious omen to see and start the New Year). Mother prepares kani on the eve of vishu, gets up early in the morning and after herself seeing it first, shows it to all the other members of the family. Kids will be called and slowly taken to the puja (prayer) room where the kani will be ready. Till they see the Kani, mother keeps their eyes closed so that the first thing they see is the Kani.

It was our job as kids to procure mainly two things, Kanikkonna (Golden yellow flower of Casia which is the state flower-picture below) and Kula Manga (unripe mango which are picked in groups) for the Kani. These two things are hard to get especially the day before, so we always make sure to procure it early enough.
As kids the best part of Vishu is lighting fire crackers. Even two days earlier to vishu, there will be huge rush in those fire-works-shops and it was always great to go there and spent all the money we have been given to get the maximum number of crackers:-D. Once we are back, the first thing to do was to divide the crackers equally among us and promising each other that we will not touch others' share. The whole of Vishu eve and the vishu day will be reverberating with the sounds of crackers from all around.

But, in our home and many other homes in the neighbourhood, this was not how kids saw the Kani. Kani would be prepared at home for Amma. Achchan, would take both of us to temple in the night. There would be Utsavam (celebration in temple) coming from Sreekrishna temple at Thrichambaram (1km away) to our temple (supposed to be Lord Subrahmania meeting his father,  Lord Siva, who is our Temple diety) and celebrating together. At about 2 am, three of us would go following the Utsavam to the temple and after taking bath from elondhi (temple pond) enjoy the utsavam inside the temple and pray to both of the deities together. Once Lord of Thrichambaram departs, we all sleep inside the temple waiting for next day's Kani in temple. 

Achchan would call us in the morning and direct us blind folded till sopanam (the steps that leads to sanctum sanctorum of the temple) and we would wait so that the temple opens with the Kani. After seeing the beautiful temple kani we would rush back to home to light the crackers that are remaining. My bro would be reaching home first given that he could run faster than me. 

I always loved reaching home later since I would have most of MY crackers left behind while my bro would have finished his share much before :-D

Golden Air Castle!

Today feeling ecstatic and whenever that happens a song accompanies. Here it is!!
It's from a movie called "Kalikkalam" where the hero is a thief. He is a Robin hood style one; steals from "rich but bad" people, enjoys the loot  himself and finds time to help poor people. This song epitomizes the feeling of being free and happy within. The lyrics are superb, if I try my dirty translation skills for second stanza, it would be like this,

 "Far off the shore, close to the white clouds
  A lone star that grows pale as one approaches
  A dew drop in the eye, a scent of euphoria within"
 :-D:-D:-D

Today I passed preliminary exams for PhD!!!
I knew it will happen on a Guruvaar (Thursday)!!!

Why is it so beautiful!? Only reason is that now it's sure that I will get a PhD. Had no idea when three years ago, I left for home, that I will be back to do PhD in US. Now I have something to look forward to.

Grateful for all wishes and prayers from sooooooo many people. Especially thanks to my senior here who brought food for me knowing that I skipped it. And also to my Co-Teaching Assistant who let me off from teaching couple of times seeing my crazy schedule! And also to my prof who is soooooo caring (our photo below)!!Wonder why people are such nice!!

Happy also that I haven't printed a single sheet of paper for reading which would have been such a waste. Each time a paper is printed out, it causes a tree being cut to make the extra pulp and paper and I contribute to Global Warming. Managed to read all documents in my beautiful laptop using a pdf reader software freely downloadable.(FOXIT reader).

Be in love, that's the only choice for me!!!
:-D

That's me with my prof at University of California, Los Angeles when we went there for a conference last year. Incidentally when we were there, two blocks away from us, legendary MJ died which I came to know much later!!!

"Upanayana" and "Samavarthana"

"Upanayana" (literary meaning closeness of sight) and "Samavarthana" are two major rituals that could have a lot of impact on a young boy's mind. The first one introduces Brahman to a young boy and makes him a "Dwija" (born again) which means that he is born with this new knowledge again. Then he has to undergo strict disciplines of puja and penance to reach the end of this period of education which is marked by "Samavarthana". During this period, he is referred to as "Brahmachaari" (one who treads the path of Brahman) and the period might be as long as 7years/3 years/1year or even 4days depending on how fast their parents want to get it done with. My bro had done one year and so did I.

During mine and Bro's "upanayana" almost the whole village came, especially those staying close to temple. I was sad that my Muthassi (maternal grandmother) couldn't come for mine. From all mothers we are supposed to ask Bhiksha (asking alms)that day, the first one being grand mother. It's supposed that we are going to Kashi (Varanasi) and living the life of mendicant while earning knowledge. We are also invested with "ponool" (sacred thread) and "Krishnajina" (an amulet made from skin of krishna deer). The sacred thread stays with us forever and krishnajina is only put when we go to temple, that too till "Samavarthana".

As kids this restricts freedom. You are not allowed to play with your friends as freely as other times. And one is supposed to eat nothing from outside his home, ideally nothing other than what his mother cooks for him. The kid has to do a puja at dawn and dusk which involves chanting and offering twigs of "plashu" tree (locally we call 'chamatha' and this puja itself is known as 'Chamatha') into fire. So every time it needs 4 twigs of this tree to be offered in fire. One of the main activity that I had to do was to collect this twig from wherever this tree stood in our village. Had to go to other people's houses or to temple to get this. Vinod, who is well acquainted with temple pujas and customs used to come with me to climb 'chamatha' and cut those twigs for me.

Once I had to travel to my Ammath (Amma's place at Palakkad for my Ammaman's (Uncle) marriage) in between. Since it was for four days, I took 4*8=32 chamatha twigs with me so that I don't have to go in search of it when I reach there. I went to attend the marriage reception and returned earlier than any others alone to Ammmath to do my evening chamatha. After making everything like Thulasi (basil) leaves and utensils ready, I couldn't locate my twigs. I searched everywhere and unable to find, I started profusely shedding tears thinking that I may not able to do it that evening. Then fortunately my perassiamma (Amma's elder sister) came and figured that she had misplaced that small bag of twigs somewhere and thus I was relieved.

Personally for me it was a period after which I lost my habit of hitting people in my school. The toughest thing that I felt was that I was not given papad (a side snack for rice) for that year since it was usually bought from outside. Usually kids are taught other chants and pujas during this time, but we both were spared since we were going to school and was tough for father to make us sit after his work hours.

"Samavarthana" was fun. Mine coincided with my grandfather's 84th B'day at Illam (ancestral home which is almost 8KMs east of Taliparamba). This B'day was itself a great celebration when many relatives, villagers, eminent people, all came to wish him. 84th B'day coincides with the time when a person would have seen 1000 full moons (if we calculate this, it is approximately correct)and is supposed to be very auspicious. On the eve of Samavarthana day, my eyes were folded with a white cloth which was opened next day showing me simultaneously a calf and then sun (signs of auspiciousness). When I was blind folded I remember my cousins coming after me and doing some mischiefs and having fun.

I was happy that after a year, I could eat a good sadya (a meal with many delicious dishes served in order) which included PAPAD!:-)

PS: For past 10 days, have used a lot of words to express a lot of views/impressions. Now needs some time off.. at least till I finish my exams. As long as the words point one towards silence, they are meaningful.

Inevitable end of "Aniyan"

I used to have vicarious enjoyment on seeing this song;

It depicts the inevitable end of Aniyan (the younger brother) who discovers himself that he will not live past that night. This is from a movie, "Paithrukam" in which I loved this character a lot. He has prayed and propitiated his favorite deity throughout his life till that incidental night. So he asks his close friend to sing a song as and when he is going to meet his death. The song selected make the situation even more sad/joyful. His friend selects a song that describe the auspiciousness of marriage. He had fallen in love with a lady who visited the temple (of which he was a priest) and was thinking of marrying her without knowing his inevitable plight. Guess that would be the only bad thing he did in his life, but since he did not know his fate in advance, it cannot be regarded as a mistake.

Whenever I went to temple as a kid, there were many elderly people who called me Aniyan, because I am the Aniyan of my Ettan (elder brother). I loved being called like that and in my village I was always given much love and affection being the younger one. Even in the "super-five" group I was the youngest one and given more attention than anybody. Every time when we went outside and if it involved riding a vehicle, they always made sure I get in first. Ha ha it's so funny that many times friends who didn't know this had to come back to a bus stop in search of me because I couldn't manage to get into the bus along with them.

Last time when I went for my bro's wedding, there was this one day when I had a lot of fun. To run some errands and to buy a sandal I went outside. One moment when I was little bit in a hurry, muscles played and got stiff. Then I was crossing the highway road and I saw a Autorikhsaw coming (a cute small vehicle which carries pedestrians for short distance travel)and I knew I am going to get hit. Unable to move, inevitably it did and I fell down as a dead log. After my resting state, I got up and found my white Mundu (a plain clothing common to our part of the country) with tinges of blood and mud. I went straight to a store purchased another Mundu and a Sandal and changed my cloth then and there. I am not ashamed to say that I have the keenest ability of hiding such incidents from parents and dear ones. It seems like I have grown in my dispassion and now I am not in a mood of doing that anymore because that doesn't allow me to be free within.

Poor my Amma (mother) got scolded by Achchan (father) before he knew about her situation for not being able to do things like a normal person. I don't want anybody to have such surprises with me. I might even go little further and be selfish that I won't allow anybody to share this burden because I would like to go through it completely, rejoicing without conflict :-). Also, I should not do the same mistake that the character in the movie above has done, if at all that was a mistake. One person in the disease forum in US(in which I am a member of) had this experience of her mother saying that, "I would never have let you be born if I knew that this would be your fate". Very strange! Oh! how much I wish that I am given the freedom to be with myself so that I don't have to say such words to posterity.

Right now, I am in the process of figuring the genetics behind this and the probability of its inheritance. Figuring out this will not be a big deal as my professor under whom I am working now, is an excellent geneticist and he is in the process of making me one too. My prof has graduated from the prestigious MIT and his professor there was the 2002 Nobel Laureate, Dr.Horvitz. He is an excellent Guitarist too playing for a local band and the best part is, he likes me as a student and takes a lot of care. Things now and again falling in place!. WOW! Last time I just missed my chance to meet the 2008 Nobel Laureate, Martin Chalfie. Will be meeting some of those people next year and am already very proud of that (and make other people jealous:-).

Last time Shriram told me these amazing words "God/Guru has given us an easy life".
Yes, I am extremely contented about my performance so far and the happiness within can never fade. So, every minute becomes graceful and grateful, every beautiful breath becomes a bonus.
There is not much time to crib and complain for what we don't have, more pleasure is in giving than getting. And, I am INVINCIBLE, in love, care and affection and no human being dare to challenge that!.;-)

JoyGurudev!


PS: This seems to me like the second part of the post "A life time companion". There will be one more post regarding this just after the summer once I figure out the genetic testing.

About AOL Silver Jubilee and changes within.

"Miracle has become so much a common place thing for us"- that's what a senior AOL teacher told during Silver Jubilee Celebrations of Art of Living held in Bangalore in February 2006. It was a great home coming for me! The first time I visited Ashram, completely bowled out by the serenity and comfort that I felt there. After that whenever I went to India, I always went to Ashram.

The preparations, the journey, and the experience of SJC escapes my understanding as to how all that happened! Till couple of months back, I never thought that I am going to attend this. In 2005 December when Gurudev came to NewYork we all drove 14hrs from Purdue and met HIM. In New Jersey there was a public gathering when I met HIM and things started changing and I felt a deep urge to go to SJC, come what may.

After two years of staying away from my home, I was eager to meet my family at home. If not for SJC, I would have had to wait for one more year to meet them. Everything falls in place when we have a good intention. How I got consent from my prof, how I got money to purchase plane ticket and how I managed to stay at Ashram on last day and how I stopped taking my tablets intended for muscle stiffness, all were nothing less than a miracle.

This post is forthcoming...

His Holiness Swamiji Bodhananda Saraswathi.

My interest in spirituality slowly started striking roots when I was taken for Upanishad classes by my father as early as a school kid. I remember the Kathopanishad series of talks given by Nirmalananda Giri Maharaj at "Kottaram" outside our temple. I remember sitting with awe at the questions raised by "Nachiketha" (an eight year old boy whose queries are being answered in this upanishad) to 'Kala'(God of death). Though I didn't understand much about the meaning of the upanishad, the story was great, and it sparked a lot of questions in me.

I heard about Pujya Swamji from by Ichamma (short form for Chittassiamma- father's sister). She had described about Swamiji in detail before I went and met him. I was eager to meet HIM for a long time, but HIS ashram was in Trivandrum and we were staying at Thrissur at that time. Towards the end of my UG days, I heard that HE is coming to Palakkad at Kunnathoormedu. Thus me and father decided to go and meet HIM there.

This post will also be filled later..

'Super-five" - Case diary.

There were only three cases that "super-five" ever investigated.
One is an assignment from Vinod about a "Chathan Shalyam" (problems with Satan) in his house. The other two were self-assigned cases since nobody came forward to give us any further cases. Those were about the "Sandal wood smuggling at Tipu kotta" and "Ganja business near Chira".
This post will be filled soon..

Temple premises

SriRajaRajeshwara of Taliparamba is the king of all kings and lord of all lords. It's a Maha Shiva Kshethra (Great Shiva Temple) and the greatest of its kind. It's being said that an artist conferred any accolade from any where other than this temple has to take it off in obeisance to the lord, but doesn't have to do the same in any other place if conferred from here. The elegance of the temple comes to its zenith during evening "Niramala" (when all lamps are lit for puja)and anybody can just wonder at the ambiance that will make even the staunchest atheist fold his hands. One story is about Uddanda Shastrikal, a great scholar who came to the temple after defeating all the existing pandits and had the behavior of not folding his hands in any temple he visited till then. Seeing the greatness of Lord RajaRajeshwara, his hands spontaneously folded!

It was Shathasoma Rishi who was credited of founding the Lord and starting Puja. When Lord Rama was returning to Ayodhya after war in Lanka, he came down and paid his respects to Lord entering Thidappali (a raised platform right in front of the Lord where some of the pujas are performed). Since then no one is supposed to enter and prostrate the Lord from Thidappalli.

Three main features outside the temple are "Kottumpuram", "Kottaram", and "Jalawanthi".
Kottumpuram is the place where I have seen people pay initial rites to the Lord before going to temple. Also accolades like 'pattum valayum' and "Veera Shrinkhala" are given to eminent artists from here. It's a small open building close to the pond "Jalawanthi".

"Jalawanthi" ('elondhi' in short) is the pond where priests and other people who are staying around the temple can take bath before going to temple. As kids, we went there to swim and I remember doing all kinds of acrobatics there much to the fury of priests whom we make 'Asudha' (impure)by splashing water on them. When this happens, kids are usually spared but scolded well. During monsoons water level raises a lot and will immerse the steps and KulaKkadavu (building erected for privacy for people who take bath). We used to get excited at this time and go there and play 'spiderman'. We will swim with one hand on the wooden supports and act like spiderman flying in between buildings using his spider web.

"Kottaram" is the palace for the Lord befitting a King. This is a bigger construction where people can take rest and mendicants and saints can spend time inside. It's open place and as kids we used to spend time there planning our little mischiefs. It has a second tier where we can get a view of entirety of the temple from outside.

Just outside the temple. Building on the left side is "Kottaram" (only a part of it is seen), right side, "Kottumpuram" and "Elondhi" is right and down to the "Kottumpuram" (not in this pic).

Our treasure hunt!

It all happened when Shibu had a dream!

He told to "super-five" that he had this dream on three successive days and he woke up hearing 'Kootta Mani' (bell ringing) from temple, which means that it is truth.
In his dream he vividly found the presence of a big pot of gold, jewels and coins in a pit at Tipu kotta (a small hillock towards the back side of our temple which is mostly uninhabited and full of trees- looks like a small jungle). Our earlier expedition to this place revealed 'Enna Kulam', (oil pond) and many small 'Kappanas' (bigger pits in ground from where people take clay for various building purposes) and trunks of sandalwood trees (Sandal wood trees, though illegal to cut, people make money by selling it secretly).

We were made to believe that Tipu Sulthan came to our village on his way to South Kerala before his army had to retrieve owing to bad climate and disease outbreaks (there is a story about Ettumanoor temple that he went back due to the King's prayer which caused torrential rain). On my way to school there were small pits of a foot diameter in the middle of a rocky terrain and we were told that, those pits were created due to cannon fire of Tipu;-D (my favorite past time while going to school was to look at swimming tadpoles in water conserved in those pits till some day they all would be gone as metamorphosed to adult frogs;-). Tipu also wanted to snatch Thazhika kudam (the crown of a temple made of gold) of our village temple but was unable to do it and the proof of that is its slight tilt which happened when he tried to forcefully pull it out using some kind of rope.

So he also had left a portion of his loot in a pot somewhere which we were excited to unearth!

We made all preparations for the trip. Took utensils for digging the pit, some snacks and most importantly, many rubber bands so that we can use it to tie immediately above a snake bite (snakes were very common in those places). We discovered the pit which Shibu confirmed as the same that he saw in his dream and started digging. All of us worked till afternoon and by that time we had dug almost 4-5 foot. We concluded that it might be very deep and will return some day later. Fortunately we didn't encounter any poisonous snakes that day.

Later we figured some inconsistencies in Shibu's description about the whole story and started to lose our interest. We didn't also want to work that hard again and thus our treasure hunt remained a unfruitful endeavor;-(.

PS: Shibu was our friend who used to join us in games, especially for cricket matches.
PPS:So many terms in my local dialect, cannot be translated to English or I don't have enough command in English to do that...

A lifetime companion

"Life is grate'ful"- is that grammatically correct? I don't worry about such petty stuffs anymore..But I should make it clear why I chose such a name for my blog address. A large part of it is due to a friend 'within' me who taught me a lot of discipline through examples that sometimes were painful, but every time made me proud about "going through" it.

Aberration in Chloride Channel gene in the 7th chromosome of a human being, and what will be the outcome?- Myotonia Congenita, a muscular defect characterized by hypertrophy and stiffness of muscles.
It makes all the voluntary muscle by virtue of which you can make movements, from muscles in mouth to muscles at the tip of the toe; STIFF, so that you will not be able to move it at your will. Under some shock conditions you will fall like a dead log unable to move any of your limbs. My mother and two of her sisters has it and that's where, I got it. I have trained myself from my childhood to prepare for any adversity this might cause by warming up my muscles before any physical activity I undertake. But life always brings uncertainties which cannot be anticipated and those times I have fallen like a rag doll and continue to do that even now. Added to the difficulty is that there is no visible symptom and people usually don't understand the difficulty and expect you to act as a normal person. The good part is that body unable to move fast, will be falling in 'slow motion' and this myotonic shock will take some time to recover. So I have to lie down on ground for some time enjoying the rest before I can collect myself and manage to stand firm. As a young kid this was an embarassment that even if comebody comes to help you, you will not be able to accept it. Body remains as light as a feather (at least that's what Venki says) always and seeing all these drama, people might think I am drunk as well, ha ha.

Earliest of my memory of Myo is this question popping in mind that when all my friends can move their hands and legs at their will, why can't I?
I loved to play cricket, can hit six and four, but can’t take singles and doubles since that involves running. I am grateful for my friends who understood this and always let me play with bye-runners;-D
School days went on without much trouble since I could walk without difficulty and except during some of the dreadful physical training classes, I emerged un-harmed.
I remember gasping for breaths when stomach gets empty and then I go so sluggish, and all muscles tend to weaken. I was fortunate to have my school at a walkable distance from my home and could avoid bus travel through out.

Once I didn’t go to eat lunch since I was cramming up portions for an afternoon exam and while I was writing the exam Achchan came by, to inquire. For fear of not able to climb steps again, I stayed in the elevated stage where the exam was being conducted and in front of all others staring at me, I shouted out that I am not hungry and went on to write the exam. I heard criticism from my teachers for this behavior since they thought I was being dis-respectful to my father. Also during exams, every time I had to ask an answer sheet I would have to prepare myself, get up and walk with my abnormal gait. This would always make a scene, and to avoid that, I tried to complete all my answers within the sheet provided initially.

For my pre-degree, going to SS College everyday was an ordeal since I had to get into bus. I remember Amma not allowing me to go to Payyannur college even after they had Sanskrit which I loved to study as my second language since I had difficulty in climbing bus and travel so far. In our parts of state climbing bus would become a difficult task even for a normal person, so not to mention people like me! Since looking at me people cannot make out whether I have some problem, they take it for granted and I have found myself falling from a bus that's moving, many times.
During my UG, how many times I don’t remember, I have fell down climbing steps like that and then my friends will get angry at the bus conductor for his carelessness and later I would explain that it was not his fault.

When I finally got diagnosed after a series of painful shock electrical diagnosis tests, the EMG tests, I was relieved that I would get some medication. Took Dilantin tablets so that muscles get relaxed, for almost a year, as per the neurologist's instruction (Dr.Abdul Majeed at Thrissur, an amazing doctor for whom I have lot of respect). But it got worse and soon I found myself unable to get up from bus seat if I sit for some time. So I avoided sitting in bus even if there were empty seats. I stopped telling this to parents as well so that they don't get sad at my plight. But Amma caught me one early morning while brushing my teeth and falling down near our wash basin and the whole of the basin coming on top of me and then scolded me for not telling her. Then the intensity of medication increased, Eptoin tablets, almost 300mg/day for years after wards so that I could avert such casualties on a daily basis. This tablet was so powerful that when I took it for the first time, I felt giddy and had to lie down immediately. But, afterwards got used to it. What this medications did was not to make muscles fast again, but will avoid it getting further sluggish. So with those, I can work with my muscles taking precautions and warming it up before I make any movement.

Eptoin stayed with me even when I came to US and I had to get many bottles of Eptoin tablets whenever any of my friends went to India since I didn't have prescription to get that in US and I didn't want to change the medicine also.
It stayed with me until I started practicing Sudarshan Kriya! With SK, I could completely avoid taking any tablets and still have a 'normal' life.
About the miracle of SK and AOL Silver Jubilee, 2006, that changed so much within and without, including this disease, will write another post later.

Life outside the country!

Ha ha I have jumped right from my childhood to the "old me" of today. Will write about childhood and arrange those posts as and when it comes..

"Life outside the country" is the last part of the episode after the above two.

This is all about the time from 2004 onwards when I came to Purdue University, West Lafayette, Indiana, USA for my Masters in Plant Pathology and a brief gap in between for 6 months in home after my Masters and resuming as a PhD student at Kansas State University, Manhattan, Kansas.

There were so many funny incidents that I can think of during my first trip in plane, that too such a long distance trip to US and afterwards adjusting to the lifestyle, academics and people here.

I have managed to travel to at least 20 different states in US, staying with friends or family or retreat centers, went to at least 10 different universities either for conferences or interviews or friendly visits and the list is getting bigger...

I have made very good friends here, from different parts of the world, learned a great deal about different cultures and ate a lot of different varieties of food!

I remember my first trip ever within US was done all alone, that too in the Greyhound bus and that too through Gary, Indiana, a scary place where I have heard "mugging" is a commonplace thing. This trip was a dream come true for me as it enabled me to meet Swamiji at Kalamazoo, Michigan in June 2004. My tryst with H H Bodhananda Saraswathi happened back home towards the final days of my UG life about that I would write in a separate blog later. After that I really wanted to meet HIM in person which I knew would be able to do only when I am here. I am still amazed how all the words that HE uttered and the email that HE sent, came to pass later in my life!

When I think of HIM, I can visualize a moving glow of light, an ocean of knowledge!

I am blessed with his guidance during those days when I was completely alone, home-sick and thought that there is no point in academics and studying..

HE told me that after two years you will be better placed and lo! after two years so many friends came and better, I became an AOL family member!

The love and affection that Venki, Sriram, Gowri, Heidi (my most beautiful AOL teacher), Raghavan and many other AOLites gave me; supported the bud of spirituality in me. And there is no looking back, this joy is always growing and always giving!

On a different note, fast forwarding to present...

Today a plant in my lab blossomed! I am very happy that after two years of consistent and persistent care, this succulent plant started to produce flowers (will put photo once it completely flowers)! I never thought that it's a flowering plant even, but didn't lose hope.

That's what it takes for a bud or any living being for that matter to blossom.

Care and Share..

;-D

The small succulent plant that gave an inflorescence more than twice its height. This is my lab, see my work bench and microscope (I keep it safely covered by the red cloth:-) also.

On Childhood!

I am starting to write some of my child hood experiences trying as much as to put it in a chronological order. This is just to enable myself re-live those wonderful events/moments that happened before me as a kid and to think about my reaction to all those events. Would like to arrange it into two major parts. The first part of it is "Life in Village" at Taliparambu, Kannur District, Kerala State, India. This will include events as a kid from as much back my memory can get me, then as a school boy, till my Pre-Degree days. Second part starts when my family gets transferred to Thrissur where I did my undergraduate education in BSc Agriculture- "Life away from village".

I have always felt that my childhood has been the best one!!, in a typical village with all the simple joy that innocent people and colorful nature can offer. As any other village kid WE had been part of so many mischiefs, those known to world and those still unknown to public;-D!

WE in the above sentence include the "super-five", the name that we gave to our gang of me, my Bro, Rajesh (affectionately called Raesh), Rajesh (aff''ly called Raju) and Vinod. I rememeber seeing serials of children-detectives in TV those days that made us invent "super-five" badges for ourselves and at times even wearing them!

My childhood friends are my treasure, the people who gave so much love and affection, the people with whom I have shared a lot of pain and pleasure, the people who gave me so much courage and comfort. Their affection has taken me a long way further in my life and I feel their presence whenever I think of them and close my eyes..

I will see if I can post all of our photos here.

Raesh

Raju

Manu (Bro!!:-)

 Vinod is the most enthusisatic among all of us. Any project, any idea, we have, he gets into it fast and is always excited. He was my buddy for long time before the 'Super Five' even formed.

Finally we all are here:-D